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- An Old Fashioned Girl -
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Sunday, May 28, 2006
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I was feeling quite emotional for some reason today. It was just this sudden feeling that occurred to me that got me thinking about things, exploring my feelings; basically just thinking and feeling a lot. As I mentioned earlier, the thing with me is that I often have a tendency to "feel" so much that if I don't do something to express myself or cleanse my soul, I'll break down with the weight of these feelings. This very thing happened, except that instead of writing a poem today I went back to this old classic I've read two or three times already- "An Old Fashioned Girl"by Louisa May Alcott. It's an amazing book, and I think the last time I read it was probably two years ago. Much has changed since then. I'm more matured, I view my surroundings and the people around me differently; there's a whole new outlook to life hen you're sixteen going on seventeen. Stuff that didn't affect me before now touches me deeply, simply because of the person I am, the things that have happened to me, and the things that I feel and think.
A complete reflection on the entire novel will come after I've finished reading it; currently I'm only halfway through...Hence for now, to continue in my emotional and affected mood, these are a few of the things that stick out to me.
This first one is an excerpt from the part where Polly wants her dress altered so that it looks more fashionable like her friend Fanny's, and hence she asks her mother in a letter whether she can do so. This is her mother's loving and sensible reply from far away in the country where the vices of the city and its fashions have no place. I find it extremely touching:
- "No dear, the dress is proper and becoming as it is and the old fashion of simplicity the best for all of us. I don't want my Polly to be loved for her clothes but for herself, so wear the plain frocks Mother took such pleasure in making for you and let the panniers go. The least of us have some influence in this big world, and perhaps my little girl can do some good by showing others that a contented heart and a happy face are better ornaments than any Paris can give her. You want a locket deary, so I send one that my mother gave me years ago. You will find Father's face on one side, mine on the other, and when things trouble you, just look at your talisman, and I think the sunshine will come back again."
This second one is just a statement from the story which I found to be very true and nice:
- "Little things of this sort are especially good work for little people; a kind little thought, an unselfish little act a cheery little word, are so sweet and comfortable that no one can fail to feel their beauty and love the giver, no matter how small they are."
This third one is very nice and honest indeed in the context of the book, where Tom, a normally terrorizing tyrant and Fanny's brother, turns over a new leaf because of Polly's goodness getting to his heart.
- "It is very pleasant to be loved and admired, very sweet to think we shall be missed and mourned when we die."
I will collect more excerpts from the story as they come...for now this is it...
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- Sway it -
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Friday, May 26, 2006
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Retreating into yourself
Feeling the music
Breathing it. Tasting it.
Letting it get to your head
Feeling it course through your body
Swaying it. Dancing. Singing.
In the joy of the moment
You have not a care
With people all around
In a drunken stupor
And a mesmerizing darkness
Brought alive by colorful lights
Invigorating the atmosphere
Everything's abuzz, a sense of
Love and music pervades,
The adrenaline's pumping
Hearts are beating
Bodies swaying
In perfect rhythm
Feeling emotions
Never felt before
And those
Hiding deep down inside
Surfacing up in you
** A poem from my ramblings after this amazing concert I went for. It was an exhilarating experience, and the atmosphere was seriously cool. I can still remember little details and how this sense of liberation, excitement and happiness was in me the entire time.
At times like these, like at this concert, where all you're surrounded by is music, and there are hundreds of people around you, and the atmosphere is really completely alive, it's like a huge veil of emotions hanging over you, induced by the very atmosphere. All that music, the good singing, the darkness, the drunkenness in the air got to my head and brought out such intense emotions that I cannot even begin to describe. I've made an attempt at this poem; because writing poetry is better than ranting prose...no matter how unpoetic your poem is, or not beauitiful the words are...
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- A deep sigh -
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Saturday, May 20, 2006
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An unspeakable pain
A yearning, a need
That engulfs my every sense
Eyes closed gently
To retreat into my own world
Feeling emotions that cannot be
Gotten over. Eradicated.
A sense of painful depth
One that overrules my mind
Comes solely from the heart
Going through me entirely
A deep breath and a sigh
Of painful longing
I’m losing myself
More and more every second
Spent thinking and feeling
About you.
Sometimes my feelings get so strong and acute that if I don't put my feelings in a poem I feel like I'm going to eiher break down completely or go insane with feeling too much. It's the magic of words..the way you try to hunt out your deepest feelings, give that emotion an all-encompassng word, connect those words together, and when you're done seekling your innermost feelinggs and expressing them completely, you go back and experience the entire poem. feeling good that you've cleansed your soul of this, or at least decreased the intensity of those eotions for the time being; until something else happens to make you feel so strongly again. The entire cycle begins again.
It's the cycle of life.
You put your life into words.
Words are love. Words are life.
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- An intense joy -
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A big bubble of laughter
Hiding just below the surface
Teasing and threatening to break free
Spread mirth all over the place
A joy so acute and pure
It threatens to make me cry
Every sense in me joyously alive
There is no need to wonder why
A world of immeasurable happiness
Unknowingly I break into a smile
My heart brimming with a myriad of emotions
Such euphoria comes only once in a while
This came one day when there was this unexplainable intense happiness inside me. I suffer extreme emotions..sometimes I'm severely depressed; sometimes so happy that nothing except a poem can express my joy. This obviously came on of the joyful days...
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- Night -
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The solitary night
With its delicate aura
Of a magical darkness
Accentuated by the silence
The calmness and serenity
Long hours into the night
Alone, I gaze around me with awe
The wonders of this quiet
The peace it brings to my mind
As I am whisked gently away
Into a world all of my own
Where my dreams are real, my joys alive
I've no such thing as a care
The heart rules over my mind
In this tranquility, the solitude
The mind wanders, so does the soul
Into depths unknown,
Territories uncharted
Exploring imaginations wild and rich
Calmness engulfs completely
As the soul is set free
Into the vast expanse of the night
An air empty with space yet
One that makes me complete
** I love this poem..it express accurately an acutely, as much as words can express feelings, the way I feel about the power of night, the solace I find in it, the way I feel when I'm all alone in the midst of this tranquility...
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- A tear -
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Wednesday, May 17, 2006
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There are moments
Of such delicate sweetness
When you feel
So totally completely
Vulnerable. Defenseless.
A tingle through the body
A queer sensation in the stomach
The heart, the mind, the soul
Feel so fragile
Seems like you're going to
Break any moment. Lose yourself
More than you already have.
You close your eyes
Feel the pain. The bitter sweetness
Of this love and longing
The feelings in your heart
That you cannot control
A tear escapes a closed eye
And all resolve is broken
I am yours.
For now and forever.
I wrote this poem a few days ago, like at 2 am in the night. Seriously, I think all my heartfelt and emotional writing comes out only like really late at night..when I'm all alone...I'll post another poem that I wrote about night when I'm done touching it up...
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