- living a dying life... - Saturday, March 17, 2007 HELLO!! (to no one and everyone. who still looks at this dead old thing anw?) but since i'm so bored, i shall update the world on my life. nothing to write right now, no. guess you're stuck reading my ramblings. as if i don't rant enough already, without ranting some more on my intended-to-be-only-for-poetry blog. oh well, too bad. well well, life (if you can call this rotten journey a LIFE), is pretty much dying, yes. i mean, WHAT life?? being holed up in my room mugging, the entire day and night, taking breaks only for coffee, meals and always-seeming-too-much sleep, is hardly the kind of life anyone would like. but i suppose i braced myself for this torment in the holidays at the end of last year. can't say i didn't expect it to be this bad. but, well, i can complain, can't i? yes so whatever you wanna call this thing, for simplicity, let's just stick to life ok. when i have more time on my hands, i'll come up with a proper word for this nonsense. yes, so life...is a big blur. like everything's going so fast. whizzing by, with my brain registering only flashes. i don't even have space in me to savour all the things i want to, this being my last year in rj. last year with like my best friends since forever, cool classmates, great teachers, and an overall fantastic school! what happened to living every moment? i mean that's like my motto or something! live life to the fullest, savour each moment, get the best out of everything...the list goes on. but seems there's hardly enough time to accomplish the academics, forget these intangible necessities of life. it's very sad. and i am powerless to do anything about it. being too ensteeped in the education system that society has thrust me in. i guess sometimes you gotta accept things whether you like it or not, and me being me, i'm not happy about being forced to do something i don't like. on the other hand, me being me, i'm looking beyond the dreary mundaneness of studying and school and exams, and taking delight and repose in friendship, music, and the soon-to-be-fantastic life that i will obtain after this year. yeah, i suppose i'm surviving. till next time! (whenever it is...) khush

posted by Khushboo @ 12:46 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Yearbook - Monday, November 06, 2006 The yearbook; a gateway Into a world that was left behind That can't be entered again But can be looked upon from the sidelines As we wish and wish and wish and wish That time could be turned back. The memories flash by Those that are mine and those that are not Those belonging to people I know now And love now How I wish time could be changed So I could spend more time More happiness, more laughter With the people I know now But did not then. The realization that nothing is in my hands The frustration the sadness the madness Time is evil cruel mean horrid Fated. What about those that I've always loved What about the fact that we cannot be one Forever and ever more Because of time time time time. Time that’s not ours but its own That has its own rhythm and goes against our wishes Crawling joyously when we want it to go fast Cruelly shortening our moments of joy Doing everything possible To make our lives miserable. As the heart grows heavy with feelings And the mind is filled with memories I retreat from that world The one I'd been watching from afar Wistfulness and envy at its peak Sadness and longing no less I close that gateway and come back to reality Put away the magic' those memories An innocence and uncomplicatedness now gone I put it somewhere nearby Where it will keep reminding me of the joyful days I once had The love the laughter the joy the magic It's only hope that will never be lost the day i took out the sec 4 rg yearbook and went through it again. man, i miss rg. life was so fun. nothing to worry about except for getting a 2.8 so i can enter the best college in the country -.- thats it! and now, it's like the weight of the world's upon me and i'm gonna sink into this swamp of a life any moment. "there's gotta be more to life..."

posted by Khushboo @ 1:24 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- another walk down memory lane - Walking into those memories A world inhabited so long ago Where we grew up From little girls into young ladies To be the daughters of a better age Sisters in learning and sisters at heart Bound together so strongly, No wind can tear us apart. Even time stopped for us When our wills were strong With the desire to relive those days Almost everything in place Like we entered another world It was the same place But one uninhabited, and where time had no meaning Because time is the one always to blame A stillness, a calmness The silence, like it was all ours For those few precious moments We could spare from our busy lives To go back in time And cleanse the soul and mind Tears flew anew, hearts bled afresh Going there again, what did we hope to find? Time never waits, it ticks on ceaselessly Every moment in time we move further away From this innocence, its joy Move slowly into another world Where time has moved on, people have moved on Things will never be the same again And I sit and wonder What am I, when those I love are gone. for my best friends in the whole wide world :) natasha, aakriti and hiral. this was written the night after i came back from going out with them to rgs. we went there and the memories came rushing back. need i say more. oh and they'll know: this is the sequel to the poem i wrote at the end of last year in the 4th term of our last year in rgs. that one was titled; "a walk down memory lane" =D

posted by Khushboo @ 1:16 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Shards of glass - The sheer power, the great force In lifting up a piece of glass Heavy as your heart yet fragile as a frail baby Like the weight of the world when you hold it Yet the moment you lift up your hands and throw the piece With enormous force; both physical and emotional The release it offers is breathtaking The heaviness is gone, the silence shattered The stillness disturbed, the emptiness battered The ripple of the crash pervades the entire pond The vastness of it, as though the breaking of a strong bond The heart/glass; the heart of glass Shattering into a billion pieces Shards with the capacity to hurt Shards that can cause bleed Miniscule yet powerful Shards that refract the sunlight To give a plethora of hues Colors from every corner of the world Momentarily happiness seems bountiful Beautiful yet deadly A sight to behold Power immutable Those shards of glass, the pieces of a shattered heart this poem's for hiral. =) the other day she wanted to break something made of glass, just to release those pent-up emotions; but couldn't because breaking something is such an "immature" thing to do. oh woe! the perceptions of the society! how they bind us so tight there's no space left to breathe. for you, hiral.

posted by Khushboo @ 1:08 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Nature's wrath - A storm of sadness That crashes upon you like an ocean at high tide The waves lapping fiercely against the shore Swallowing up elaborate sandcastles and innocent living creatures Engulfing them in its cold, gorging depths To consume them completely Surrounding them with a coldness and a darkness Slowly and torturously, they’re swept away Where the wind howls and the raindrops pelt hard A hurricane arrives and a tornado wrecks everything in sight Nature at its most ferocious The sheer force that causes fear even in the strongest of beings And makes them bow to Her Like the humblest of bees That give in to their Queen extensive imagery here haha. go figure. generally just about how when you're sad everything's just SO SAD that you really really can't do anything about it but give into the sadness completely.

posted by Khushboo @ 1:05 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Apathy - When there's absolutely nothing that drives you and the going is all gone When everything looks different; harsh and cold and you can't hear that familiar old tinkle of everything going right When you can't smell the freshness in the air around you and nothing you touch moves you enough to make you feel alive When you're just so apathetic you feel soul-dead and the indifference gets to your nerves and you still can't do a thing When you just feel so helpless and useless and all you stood for is lost, hidden somewhere far, far away When the situation is so sad you don’t even feel angry and there's just NO EMOTIONS When you're too drained to swap away that persistent moth meandering around you and the keyboard seems to collect dust while you watch it stagnating with regret When you know you ought to rage, storm and curse and it's simply so sad that you can't even utter a word When even your eyes are so exhausted that no tears flow and life is so meaningless you just want to let it go I like this poem...at that time I was very very depressed, maybe because I hadn't written in a long time and couldn't figure out what to write about either...can't really remember. either ways, after venting out my frustration through this rambling, it felt SO GOOD. omg, who invented words?? I love him/her!! Where would I be if I couldn't write and let it all out!! (i think someone i know might feel this poem appropriate to certain times they've had..)

posted by Khushboo @ 1:00 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Doomsday - A heaviness hangs in the air A hush falls as the papers rustle The Devil’s servants enlarge and shrink, enlarge and shrink With barely suppressed glee Evil laughter can be heard As if from afar, the Land of Torture where they reside The whole room seems to be a blur It’s spinning around, spinning so fast I’m afraid I'm about to lose control I clutch onto my chair Hang on for dear life My knuckles go white With the effort to stop every nerve from shaking and bursting apart While my head starts spinning like a crazy top Somewhere far far away I hear my name being called Sounds as though from the mouth of a sinister demon I walk with heavy footsteps to my dreadful doom Careful not to let my hammering heart break free from my rib cage So it doesn’t fall out and kill me Slow, lingering steps, 'cause each one gets me closer to the moment The moment of Revelation The moment I could have put off forever The moment I could have really done without The moment that's inevitable The moment of Revelation When it comes, my heart skips a beat I wait for the beating to resume- There's nothing there this one was quite funny. i wrote the first line intending to write about the recent haze problem in s'pore. it became an getting-back-exam-marks poem. i wonder why -.- lol.

posted by Khushboo @ 12:55 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- i'm alive! - HELLO! ok string of poems coming up, since i'm being practically sreamed at tp update this thing. stuff i've written recently but haven't posted... here goes...enjoy! p.s. half of them are probably just random nonsense lol. but whatever. =)

posted by Khushboo @ 12:53 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- unbound. - Monday, October 09, 2006 Trapped inside A yearning, a desire a need to get out To break free from me To taste to smell to hear to touch To experience To live Oftentimes the desire of the heart overrules the mind The mind gets tired of relentless exercise And the heart needs a run and a breath of fresh air It wants to be listened to, to be followed Tired of being second, wanting its desires fulfilled Wanting to soar like a free bird in that vast, infinite blue sky Where dreams come true and the line between imagination and reality is just a blur Where everything is possible Whether the mind thinks so or not Whether I think so or not Whether circumstances allow it or not The heart wants its way, a strong willed entity that will get what it wants Even if it means reaching out so far your body's about to break Running so long your legs are going to give way Being awake till your eyes are exhausted Dreaming it every hour every minute every second Hoping against hope till all hope is gone

posted by Khushboo @ 3:45 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- - Tuesday, August 22, 2006 Hello. After quite long huh. Yeah just decided to let you know I'm still alive. There's so much to say that I won't even bother saying it. well yeah. nothing to say. haha. so i shall say random stuff. i'm obsessed with: 1) teri in adaaon ne (IQRAR)- the guy's voice (vijay prakash) is SEXY. like OHMAN. 2) sari sari raat jagave (IQRAR), Sunidhi n Vijay Prakash----- vry danceable. 3) Kya Mujhe Pyar Hai (WOH LAMHE), KK -----also daaaaamn nice i'm glad. finally fantastic hindi songs after soooo long. anisha says my listening, obsessing and getting over rate is faster than the rate at which they churn out hindi movie songs. sigh man. dhola teri yaad satave, aaja re-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e i miss seema. she's sick with some horrible thing (HAHA SO COOL. she just replied to my sms, saying it is stomach flu...she's gonna live long man! yayy. ) anyway, yeah she's really sick n might be hospitalised, and isn't coming to sch tmr :( i MISS HER!! i dun wanna go to sch again tmr. cos she wont be there :(( i din go tdy cos i was damn tired with yesterday's mini surgery thing to remove a retarded piece of green lead embedded underneath my screwed up nail. had TWO frigging injections of local anaesthesia and then he dug ard with some sharp pincer thing to dig out the lead. after the anaesthesia wore off, it was DAMN FREAKING painful. but overnight with two panadol paracetamols it got better :) it still hurts abit, n i cant really write properly, but this is nothing compared to what seema's going through. i hope she's fine. )): i'm still alive, and will continue living. whether i journal here or not. to a long life. ohgod. i think i'm hysterical and in depression. adios.

posted by Khushboo @ 9:17 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

- - Sunday, August 13, 2006 I just wish you knew. How much I care, That you're dearly loved. By someone out there. I can wait an eternity for you, To open your eyes to a world all new.

posted by Khushboo @ 11:52 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

- LALALA! - Saturday, August 12, 2006 time to liven up this place. though i have nothing to write (in the poetic sense). so i shall blog. life right now is pretty unexciting. things i look forward to are (approximately in chronological order): 1) kabhi alvida naa kehna the long awaited movie tomorrow 2) my dad coming back from india (hopefully he's got the sonu nigam song i've been wanting ;P) 3) going to the indian embassy on tuesday (it's india's independence day woohoo!!!) 4) my next bicultural programme session on wednesday 5) staying back in school with a friend to mug every possible day till the library closes (9 pm) 6) getting back my hindi marks on saturday (heheh although i know i kinda screwed up, but curiosity uaually takes the better of me. nut dont say curiosity kills the cat, cos i'm not a cat okay.) 7) if i have enough time next weekend, go shopping. 8)end of promos 9) vacation in some cool place (hopefully india) yupyup. thats abt all i can think of right now. not bad huh. i'm quite a happy soul today. maybe cops i just wasted the entire day going ard shopping with my mum and getting a haircut and stuff. whee. i hope my muse visits again soon. i tell you its getting highly irregular. or maybe its cos i havent had any late nights recently, and if u recall, my muse loves visiting me really late at night. so i shall stay up today real late and hope that it knocks on my door. ((: WESTLIFE IS COMING TO SINGAPORE!!!!! i REALLY wanna go! someone buy me tickets! actually its not the money, rather, someone do all my work so i can afford two hours of pure bliss during the concert and twenty four hours of pure bliss swooning over them after the concert! no prizes though. i'm broke. ok not really. but never mind; you'll get a lot of love and gratefulness! so who's up for it? haha ok i think my happiness is getting a bit too much. i shall go back to my FIRST mocha in TWO days. be proud of me people. this is such a nonsensical post. then again, i'm a nonsensical person (yes i know i said it myself; but that doesnt mean you can call me nonsensical) ok i shall shut up. till later, if my muse visits!

posted by Khushboo @ 10:58 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Words from the heart. - Wednesday, July 19, 2006 Time An entity with a life of its own, that heals all wounds Destiny What's bound to happen whether I like it or not Reason Logic that overrules my heart and begs me to stop Hope For something better than what I've received from you Refuge In those that love me and care for me, whether you do or not Life It's my own, not yours; steal it not from me Heart It'll understand and accept the truth that this was not for me God Who I have faith in, to lead the way and keep me safe Decision I make my own, to live my life the way I want it, away from your clutches I want to soar like a bird, in this vast sky A blue with streaks of pink and orange; Where I roam around, liberated and free In hope for a better future that lies ahead of me I drown you down to the seabed of my heart's ocean And bind you to a rock That you may not surface up again I use the rock to harden my heart And wait for someone with the courage To melt it, not shatter it like you did. ** Yup. As the title says. Words from the heart. Truly. Maybe a little disjointed, and not very poetic. But as I always say, it's always better to rant poetry than prose no matter how unpoetic it is. And well, it's a blog ain't it? Not exactly writing publish-able poetry here... A mixed up structure and all, I know. Just trying the effects of having a poem with a unique structure. And it's a very simple poem, direct and from the heart. Yeah, so, finally, after a long time, a really long time. I've had no time to sit down and write, but I guess sometimes things happen that absolutely demand that you push everything else to the back of your mind, ponder on your feelings for a while, let them out in any way, then go about the normal routine, so that you can live your damned life in peace, without any distracting/disturbing thoughts banging the doors and demanding room in your already overcrowded brain, filled with things that matter;and strong emotions nagging at the frail strings of your breaking heart. Time to go back to the normal routine.

posted by Khushboo @ 3:25 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Black face - Why doth thy black face look upon me Away with you, I want no more Bright evil eyes, penetrating eyes On your malicious black face O anger and annoyance! Thinkest not thou 'tis time That you leave me be? I will have no more of this Far away from you I run To find some white in my life With purity in its very essence Peace that will calm my mind Away from the fury, the frustration That grips me, maddens me When your black face looks upon me **Ok this is quite a random poem. Inspired by a black cat I encountered while coming home today. It looked extremely evil and was sort of glaring at me. I glared back. It cowered in fear and stalked away. I don't think I'm mad at the cat (it did me no harm), but it really did look evil ok. Just that my mood wasn't fantastic for some reason; so I might have let it out on the poor cat by glaring at it unnecessarily (but hey, it still looked evil). Oh well. The hatred and anger and frustration isn't against the cat don't worry. I'm very pro-animals. In fact even pro-cat. I LOVE garfield! He's such an adorable fat greedy smart-ass cat! (But of course that's not the point.) Point is, I agree this poem's random. Next one coming up.

posted by Khushboo @ 3:17 PM [[ 0 comments ]]